Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Where is all my time going?
So here I am, finally back at work. Week 2. So far so ok, but I'm beginning to wonder where all my time is going. Between being at work, doing work (which continues well beyond my leaving school) and taking care of Lauren once I'm with her, there doesn't seem to be much time for anything else. Of course I could let the help continue to mind her even when I'm home so that I can do my work more quickly and then sleep earlier - it's a real skill nursing her while she lies propped up on a pillow on my lap, and typing in bed on my laptop - but as it is, I don't see her for a good 10 hours once I'm up and out of the house by 6.45am, so nope, I'll take care of Lauren myself once I'm home, even if it kills me. And I think it just might. But then I'm SUPERMOM! Or greatly dellusional. Either way, women just cope somehow. At least I'm hoping that we just cope somehow. Otherwise, I shall soon go insane.
Friday, March 07, 2008
Total Defence Award - for whom?
The nominations for the Total Defence Award 2008 is open. I hear the call on Power 98.0FM rather frequently to nominate employers who have "enable[d]...NSmen employees to fulfill their NS obligations with ease" because of their "strong support and commitment." Each time the call comes on, my toes laugh. Sarcastically. And then my mind automatically replaces the words "NSmen" and "NS" with "breastfeeding" and "parenting". I return to work next week, then everything goes into full-swing the week after the school holidays. Don't get me wrong. I'm looking forward to going back to school, to returning to the classroom. I love teaching. But there are things beyond the classroom that I'm concerned with, I worry about and am miffed at.
As has been rightfully pointed out to me by a health care professional, schools, for having the highest number of female employees next to hospitals, show the least understanding towards (breastfeeding) mothers' needs. And here is where I pause to let my toes guffaw. You would not believe the things that have been said to me and by whom in the name of "understanding mothers' needs". The irritation that pulsates through my nerves when I recall statements that have been passed with regard to pregnancy, mothers, work and the related, particularly when they come from women themselves. Someone I know recounted a lunch time conversation with a colleague who said that she was bored after her first week in confinement following the arrival of her baby. A quick retort came in response to that. "You must not have been a breastfeeding mum!" *Clap* *Clap* *Clap* Bravo! There is no time to be bored, much less rest, when your baby needs to feed from you every other hour.
Which is precisely that. Your baby needs you. She needs your touch, your care, your time, your love. There are those who would then of course say, "In that case, be a stay at home mum. Don't work." But that's not today's reality. So quit making suggestions of the archaic form. Move on with the times. Get with it sistah!
So the government wants more babies. Singaporeans are becoming extinct. And money makes the world go round, or so they think. That's just how it is, isn't it? If they don't want you to do something, they take money away from you. If they want you to do something, they give money to you. But it doesn't work that way! As an acquaintance said to me, "Baby bonus? Can't even last you a year to meet baby's basic needs." I'll tell you what would be a far more practical and encouraging incentive - nursing/lactation facilities at the work place. Nothing fancy. Just a simple room with chairs and a steriliser. Is that too much to ask? A friend's wife is in the teaching service. She expresses her milk for her baby in the toilet. Let's move the school pantry into the toilet as well. I'd like to see if anyone would like to pour themselves a glass of milk or make themselves a cup of tea in the toilet. Her baby has to drink milk she prepared in the toilet! I'm almost in tears for my friend's baby just thinking about it.
Then, there are meetings that last past 6pm. Worse yet, called at 6pm. My friends share their frustration with me. "Don't they have kids they need to get back to, or pick up from school?" They either don't, or have their parenting obligations hived off to someone else on a regular or permanent basis. In preparation for my return to work, Little Lauren has been put on bottle feeds (of expressed breastmilk) from about 8am to 5pm daily. She has been reverse feeding for the last 2 weeks, which mean she drinks less in the day and waits for me to come home so that she can feed direct and feed more then. She doesn't fuss in the day, but essentially, my little 14 month old baby is teaching herself to go hungry until mummy comes home. So the later I get home, the longer she stays hungry. Breaks my heart to know that!
"Total Defence is about the different things that we can do everyday in every sector of our society to strengthen our resilience as a nation." Let's start with having a nation. Mothers are providing the basic resource to even have a nation. So let's try this again. Recognise the role played by employers to support your employees who are parents (let's not forget the dads here) to fulfil their parenting obligations with ease. Then nominate these for the Total Defence Award. They would be the ones worth recoginising.
As has been rightfully pointed out to me by a health care professional, schools, for having the highest number of female employees next to hospitals, show the least understanding towards (breastfeeding) mothers' needs. And here is where I pause to let my toes guffaw. You would not believe the things that have been said to me and by whom in the name of "understanding mothers' needs". The irritation that pulsates through my nerves when I recall statements that have been passed with regard to pregnancy, mothers, work and the related, particularly when they come from women themselves. Someone I know recounted a lunch time conversation with a colleague who said that she was bored after her first week in confinement following the arrival of her baby. A quick retort came in response to that. "You must not have been a breastfeeding mum!" *Clap* *Clap* *Clap* Bravo! There is no time to be bored, much less rest, when your baby needs to feed from you every other hour.
Which is precisely that. Your baby needs you. She needs your touch, your care, your time, your love. There are those who would then of course say, "In that case, be a stay at home mum. Don't work." But that's not today's reality. So quit making suggestions of the archaic form. Move on with the times. Get with it sistah!
So the government wants more babies. Singaporeans are becoming extinct. And money makes the world go round, or so they think. That's just how it is, isn't it? If they don't want you to do something, they take money away from you. If they want you to do something, they give money to you. But it doesn't work that way! As an acquaintance said to me, "Baby bonus? Can't even last you a year to meet baby's basic needs." I'll tell you what would be a far more practical and encouraging incentive - nursing/lactation facilities at the work place. Nothing fancy. Just a simple room with chairs and a steriliser. Is that too much to ask? A friend's wife is in the teaching service. She expresses her milk for her baby in the toilet. Let's move the school pantry into the toilet as well. I'd like to see if anyone would like to pour themselves a glass of milk or make themselves a cup of tea in the toilet. Her baby has to drink milk she prepared in the toilet! I'm almost in tears for my friend's baby just thinking about it.
Then, there are meetings that last past 6pm. Worse yet, called at 6pm. My friends share their frustration with me. "Don't they have kids they need to get back to, or pick up from school?" They either don't, or have their parenting obligations hived off to someone else on a regular or permanent basis. In preparation for my return to work, Little Lauren has been put on bottle feeds (of expressed breastmilk) from about 8am to 5pm daily. She has been reverse feeding for the last 2 weeks, which mean she drinks less in the day and waits for me to come home so that she can feed direct and feed more then. She doesn't fuss in the day, but essentially, my little 14 month old baby is teaching herself to go hungry until mummy comes home. So the later I get home, the longer she stays hungry. Breaks my heart to know that!
"Total Defence is about the different things that we can do everyday in every sector of our society to strengthen our resilience as a nation." Let's start with having a nation. Mothers are providing the basic resource to even have a nation. So let's try this again. Recognise the role played by employers to support your employees who are parents (let's not forget the dads here) to fulfil their parenting obligations with ease. Then nominate these for the Total Defence Award. They would be the ones worth recoginising.
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
Some of my Scrap Pages for Lauren
My favourite layout of Lauren and Daddy.
For KM's desk.
This one's a record of the hours before and after Lauren's arrival.Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Quiet mornings
I have forgotten what it's like to be up and about in the early hours of the morning before the sun rises, moving around and getting things done in the quiet time that is mine and mine alone.
KM left for the airport very early this morning, and in keeping with my Back-to-School practice runs, I got up at about 5.20am to get started on my routine. Since we're not going to my parents' today, my domestic help's still sleeping, and I've truly got this time all to myself. I'm reminded of the time before I got married, getting up early, ready and out of the door for work by 6.30am before the rest of the house even started to stir. I miss that. There's just something very nice and calming about this time of the morning, and to think it was part of my everyday routine for a long while. Pity I shall not have much of these times left once I return to work. 5.30 mornings will no longer be a slow, quiet time for me anymore. I'll have to share it with someone else soon, and I rather resent that.
KM left for the airport very early this morning, and in keeping with my Back-to-School practice runs, I got up at about 5.20am to get started on my routine. Since we're not going to my parents' today, my domestic help's still sleeping, and I've truly got this time all to myself. I'm reminded of the time before I got married, getting up early, ready and out of the door for work by 6.30am before the rest of the house even started to stir. I miss that. There's just something very nice and calming about this time of the morning, and to think it was part of my everyday routine for a long while. Pity I shall not have much of these times left once I return to work. 5.30 mornings will no longer be a slow, quiet time for me anymore. I'll have to share it with someone else soon, and I rather resent that.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Back to School Dry Run
Perhaps it may seem like I'm unduly stressing myself out by conducting a dry run of my "back to school" schedule, which actually won't happen until 3 weeks' time, holiday week inclusive. Nevertheless, I'm glad we started on this, judging from yesterday's assessment - Lauren seems a likely candidate for reverse feeding, and that's not good!
I started recording her bottle feeds yesterday, and from 9am to 6pm, she drank only 305ml! That's barely enough and is already causing me a slight bit of panic. She doesn't scream anymore when given the bottle, and will cooperate with whoever's feeding her. However, she won't drink more than 70ml each feed. Getting 90ml into her is a real accomplishment. And all of this translates into a very hungry baby by the time I supposedly get home, which is about 6pm or thereabouts. Last night, she practically drank every hour through direct feeding from 6.30pm onwards, and woke up twice in the night to feed. There goes her (and my) 6-hour sleep stretch! Breaks my heart to think my little princess could be starving herself in the day just to wait for me to come back to feed her. Hopefully, we can reverse this trend by the end of 3 weeks.
Separately, she's starting to really kick and spin in bed in her sleep. I placed her pillow-side up on the bed this morning when I woke up and returned from my shower to find her at a 45˚ angle from where I left her.
I started recording her bottle feeds yesterday, and from 9am to 6pm, she drank only 305ml! That's barely enough and is already causing me a slight bit of panic. She doesn't scream anymore when given the bottle, and will cooperate with whoever's feeding her. However, she won't drink more than 70ml each feed. Getting 90ml into her is a real accomplishment. And all of this translates into a very hungry baby by the time I supposedly get home, which is about 6pm or thereabouts. Last night, she practically drank every hour through direct feeding from 6.30pm onwards, and woke up twice in the night to feed. There goes her (and my) 6-hour sleep stretch! Breaks my heart to think my little princess could be starving herself in the day just to wait for me to come back to feed her. Hopefully, we can reverse this trend by the end of 3 weeks.
Separately, she's starting to really kick and spin in bed in her sleep. I placed her pillow-side up on the bed this morning when I woke up and returned from my shower to find her at a 45˚ angle from where I left her.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Sleeping through the night
Lauren has been sleeping an average of 6 hours at night now for the past 3 nights. I continue to pray this is the start of her taking longer stretches of sleep and not just a one off "happy occurence" for me. Last night, I tried putting her in her hammock to sleep, thinking that if indeed she was beginning to sleep through the night, I might be able to get better sleep if she was in a different bed.
Alas, I was WRONGer than WRONG.
1. She didn't want to fall asleep in the hammock. Strange, 'cos she loves to sleep in her hammock in the day and would be willing to be rocked to slumber in it. KM reckoned she could be afraid of the dark and hence wanted to be cuddled to sleep instead. Whatever the reason, she fussed and fussed and... FUSSED.
2. She did finally fall into a deep sleep in our bed, and when I woke in the middle of the night, I decided to put her in her hammock to sleep through the rest of the night. This time however, I couldn't fall back to sleep. Every little turn she made in the hammock woke me up. Every tiny sound woke me up. I found myself staring at the hammock in the light from the street lamps. I finally gave up, carried her out and hugged her to sleep. Then, I could rest. *slap on the forehead*
Alas, I was WRONGer than WRONG.
1. She didn't want to fall asleep in the hammock. Strange, 'cos she loves to sleep in her hammock in the day and would be willing to be rocked to slumber in it. KM reckoned she could be afraid of the dark and hence wanted to be cuddled to sleep instead. Whatever the reason, she fussed and fussed and... FUSSED.
2. She did finally fall into a deep sleep in our bed, and when I woke in the middle of the night, I decided to put her in her hammock to sleep through the rest of the night. This time however, I couldn't fall back to sleep. Every little turn she made in the hammock woke me up. Every tiny sound woke me up. I found myself staring at the hammock in the light from the street lamps. I finally gave up, carried her out and hugged her to sleep. Then, I could rest. *slap on the forehead*
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Baking Projects
Just for the heck of it, I'm listing the stuff I've been obsessing about baking:
1. Oreo Cupcakes
I am now in search of a recipe... meanwhile, I've gone ahead and bought the cookies already. ;)
2. Chocolate Chocolate Chip Muffins
I might give up on these soon though. Have been thinking about them so much that I just might've overdone the eating of it (I keep running to Coffee Bean to buy me the Double Choc Chip muffins there) and could well be close to being sick of them soon. :P
3. Tuna Buns
Following my successful attempt baking with yeast, I've now got it in me to bake some tuna filled sweet rolls. :D
1. Oreo Cupcakes
I am now in search of a recipe... meanwhile, I've gone ahead and bought the cookies already. ;)
2. Chocolate Chocolate Chip Muffins
I might give up on these soon though. Have been thinking about them so much that I just might've overdone the eating of it (I keep running to Coffee Bean to buy me the Double Choc Chip muffins there) and could well be close to being sick of them soon. :P
3. Tuna Buns
Following my successful attempt baking with yeast, I've now got it in me to bake some tuna filled sweet rolls. :D
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Cinnamon Rolls!
Finally! My first attempt baking bread with yeast. Well, 2nd actually. I did a batch earlier but the recipe called for 20 mins and I popped it in the oven in good faith, went off to express milk for my princess, and when I got back to the oven, the bread had burned. :P I immediately made another batch, and this time I put it in for only 10 mins. Ta-dah! Now I very "gian" to bake more bread. :D
A great sense of inertia
I have so many things I want to do swimming in my head.
I still have a blanket I want to knit for Lauren (which I have not yet managed to complete).
I want to find and bake the perfect double chocolate chip muffin.
I have the urge to bake cinnamon bread rolls.
There are ideas for scrapbooking pages forming in my head.
I'm beginning to obsess about making Oreo cupcakes.
But then, I feel so so so sleepy...
*yawn*
I still have a blanket I want to knit for Lauren (which I have not yet managed to complete).
I want to find and bake the perfect double chocolate chip muffin.
I have the urge to bake cinnamon bread rolls.
There are ideas for scrapbooking pages forming in my head.
I'm beginning to obsess about making Oreo cupcakes.
But then, I feel so so so sleepy...
*yawn*
Prepping Us
Three more weeks before I return to work. Can't say I'm looking forward to it.
This morning, I got up at 6.15am in an attempt to get myself back into my work routine and also to prep Lauren for changes in our morning schedule. The plan is to express some milk in the morning, shower, change, and breastfeed her at least once before leaving for work. Hopefully, such a routine in the morning would give me time with her still and keep the milk flow up. Also have to start "disappearing" in the mornings when she wakes up so she gets used to seeing Daddy instead of me, so when she started stirring at about 7ish today, I just sat at the edge of the bed and watched her (also waiting to see how long it would take Daddy to wake up and attend to her). Poor darling started complaining to Daddy once he woke up. She wanted to have her milk and at the same time suckle to sleep some more, but Daddy was no use in that department, so she complained and complained... broke my heart to watch her get so upset. *sigh* If only I could just take her to work with me everyday.
This morning, I got up at 6.15am in an attempt to get myself back into my work routine and also to prep Lauren for changes in our morning schedule. The plan is to express some milk in the morning, shower, change, and breastfeed her at least once before leaving for work. Hopefully, such a routine in the morning would give me time with her still and keep the milk flow up. Also have to start "disappearing" in the mornings when she wakes up so she gets used to seeing Daddy instead of me, so when she started stirring at about 7ish today, I just sat at the edge of the bed and watched her (also waiting to see how long it would take Daddy to wake up and attend to her). Poor darling started complaining to Daddy once he woke up. She wanted to have her milk and at the same time suckle to sleep some more, but Daddy was no use in that department, so she complained and complained... broke my heart to watch her get so upset. *sigh* If only I could just take her to work with me everyday.
Friday, February 15, 2008
At an absolute loss
Just as my maternity leave is about to end, Lauren suddenly won't take to the bottle. We've been letting her take expressed milk through the bottle occasionally since she was about 2 weeks old, and in the last month or so, at least once a week. But all of a sudden in the last couple of weeks, she's suddenly refused to drink from the bottle. She would scream and cry and in baby terms, probably yelling murder already, and absolutely refuse the bottle. What am I to do? How to return to work knowing she won't feed all day??
Saturday, February 02, 2008
Hammock Heaven
She loves being rocked to sleep, and as much as I love carrying her around in the sarong all day, it does take a toll on my back (all day leh!!!). And since we're no supporter of babies crying it out (babies are traditionally carried around in sarongs or left to sleep in hammocks and I haven't yet seen or heard of generations of brats), we thought a hammock would be a good investment. This one cost us $500+, but she loves lying in it so much - look at her sleeping so soundly! Makes me wish I had a hammock too.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Do 2-year-olds understand?
My dad left Dylan and Megan at my place yesterday afternoon for a short while. I was left instructions as to where Megan's diapers were and to change them if needed. So this was the conversation I had with her.
Me: Are your diapers wet? Yes or No?
Meg: No.
Me: Do you need them changed?
Meg: No.
Me: Will you tell me if you need them changed?
Meg: No.
By now, I was wondering if she was just saying "No" for the sake of it.
Me: Do you understand what I'm saying??
Meg (lifting her pinafore and point to the bit of her diaper sticking out from under her bloomers): Chee? No wet.
OK. She got me. :P
Me: Are your diapers wet? Yes or No?
Meg: No.
Me: Do you need them changed?
Meg: No.
Me: Will you tell me if you need them changed?
Meg: No.
By now, I was wondering if she was just saying "No" for the sake of it.
Me: Do you understand what I'm saying??
Meg (lifting her pinafore and point to the bit of her diaper sticking out from under her bloomers): Chee? No wet.
OK. She got me. :P
Monday, January 07, 2008
Projectile Poop!
I've heard about babies deciding to pee while between diaper changes. I've even experienced it. But "Projectile Poop"?
I was giving Lauren her evening wipe ("tze-ek" in Teochew) - a towel bath, I think that's what you call it. All was going well and fine until the diaper change when all of a sudden, she shoots poop out of that tiny butt! It got onto the floor, the chair that was about 1.5m away and would've got on the wall if not for the chair. Thank goodness I was standing away from her butt, otherwise I would've been hit for sure. Gives new meaning to "Bombs Away!"
I was giving Lauren her evening wipe ("tze-ek" in Teochew) - a towel bath, I think that's what you call it. All was going well and fine until the diaper change when all of a sudden, she shoots poop out of that tiny butt! It got onto the floor, the chair that was about 1.5m away and would've got on the wall if not for the chair. Thank goodness I was standing away from her butt, otherwise I would've been hit for sure. Gives new meaning to "Bombs Away!"
Time to Ourselves
We finally went on not one, but two dates over the weekend! Left Lauren with Grandma and Grandpa for a good many hours on Saturday and Sunday afternoon and caught us a musical (Beauty World - so so lah) and a movie (I Am Legend - oso so so lah). Reviews of our weekend entertainment aside, it was really nice to be able to be out on our own, walking through the malls and talking about stuff. Any stuff except baby stuff. It has been months since we've had time and opportunity to just bum around - I was very tired when carrying Lauren and walking long stretches in the last trimester was almost an impossibility.
It's nice to be going on dates again. Thank God for grandparents!
It's nice to be going on dates again. Thank God for grandparents!
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
And Another Year Has Gone By...
Feels like I was still puking my guts out just yesterday, and today, Lauren's already 5 weeks old. Where did 2007 go?
I hate new years. Close friends know how much a New Year's Grinch I am, especially when the clock strikes 12 as the year comes to a close. I hate countdowns and am always in bed before midnight on 31 Dec. I usually just spend the last day of the year in deep thought, too moody to do anything else. This year though, or is it "last year" now, things seem different. I haven't suddenly started liking new years. Definitely not. But it certainly feels like I haven't quite caught up with time, or perhaps time has run too far ahead of me that I haven't had the time to catch my breath and my thoughts. I haven't had the opportunity to think about the year that has passed and am therefore not too sure what to make of the year to come. So perhaps I'll just "wing it" this year. After all, the biggest uncertainty has entered my life - Lauren. And a good one I'm expecting it to be. Not "good" as in "fine and dandy, happy and glee", but good because there is nothing quite as challenging, and nothing that requires as much faith and dependence on God as a child who is and will be totally dependent on you, and as my colleague pointed out to me, it will be for life. As much as she grows, so will I. That has to be good.
Have a blessed year ahead, one and all.
I hate new years. Close friends know how much a New Year's Grinch I am, especially when the clock strikes 12 as the year comes to a close. I hate countdowns and am always in bed before midnight on 31 Dec. I usually just spend the last day of the year in deep thought, too moody to do anything else. This year though, or is it "last year" now, things seem different. I haven't suddenly started liking new years. Definitely not. But it certainly feels like I haven't quite caught up with time, or perhaps time has run too far ahead of me that I haven't had the time to catch my breath and my thoughts. I haven't had the opportunity to think about the year that has passed and am therefore not too sure what to make of the year to come. So perhaps I'll just "wing it" this year. After all, the biggest uncertainty has entered my life - Lauren. And a good one I'm expecting it to be. Not "good" as in "fine and dandy, happy and glee", but good because there is nothing quite as challenging, and nothing that requires as much faith and dependence on God as a child who is and will be totally dependent on you, and as my colleague pointed out to me, it will be for life. As much as she grows, so will I. That has to be good.
Have a blessed year ahead, one and all.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
I am an INTP - huh?
Saw my friend's post on this in her FaceBook page and decided to try it out for myself. I'm a sucker for personality tests. Hahaha... Tell me, does it sound like me? I think it does.
***You Are An INTP***
The Thinker
You are analytical and logical - and on a quest to learn everything you can.
Smart and complex, you always love a new intellectual challenge.
Your biggest pet peeve is people who slow you down with trivial chit chat.
A quiet maverick, you tend to ignore rules and authority whenever you feel like it.
In love, you are an easy person to fall for. But not an easy person to stay in love with.
Although you are quite flexible, you often come off as aloof or argumentative.
At work, you are both a logical and creative thinker. You are great at solving problems.
You would make an excellent mathematician, programmer, or professor.
How you see yourself: Creative, fair, and tough-minded
When other people don't get you, they see you as: arrogant, cold, and robotic
What's Your Personality Type?
http://www.blogthings.com/whatsyourpersonalitytypequiz/
***You Are An INTP***
The Thinker
You are analytical and logical - and on a quest to learn everything you can.
Smart and complex, you always love a new intellectual challenge.
Your biggest pet peeve is people who slow you down with trivial chit chat.
A quiet maverick, you tend to ignore rules and authority whenever you feel like it.
In love, you are an easy person to fall for. But not an easy person to stay in love with.
Although you are quite flexible, you often come off as aloof or argumentative.
At work, you are both a logical and creative thinker. You are great at solving problems.
You would make an excellent mathematician, programmer, or professor.
How you see yourself: Creative, fair, and tough-minded
When other people don't get you, they see you as: arrogant, cold, and robotic
What's Your Personality Type?
http://www.blogthings.com/whatsyourpersonalitytypequiz/
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Thank God for Mothers
And now I know why. It's tough. I didn't think it would be *this* tough, but it is.
From the moment you decide you want to become a mother, I can assure you, nothing that happens can be what you're prepared for, how your body will change, how you could react to the pregnancy, and then - how your life will change when baby finally arrives. Nothing anyone tells you can actually truly prepare you for any of this. All the reading, all the theory, all the prep work. Not that any of it is useless. Reading up helps. Talking to people and asking questions help. But it's still some bit of a shock to the system when you start living it out yourself.
I look at my daughter now, and she's the cutest thing to me. But knowing she's a girl and one day could be a mother, it actually pains me to think she could potentially go through all I have been. It's tough. I pray she will be tougher. And when her turn comes, I'll be there for her like my mum has been for me. Thank God for mothers.
From the moment you decide you want to become a mother, I can assure you, nothing that happens can be what you're prepared for, how your body will change, how you could react to the pregnancy, and then - how your life will change when baby finally arrives. Nothing anyone tells you can actually truly prepare you for any of this. All the reading, all the theory, all the prep work. Not that any of it is useless. Reading up helps. Talking to people and asking questions help. But it's still some bit of a shock to the system when you start living it out yourself.
I look at my daughter now, and she's the cutest thing to me. But knowing she's a girl and one day could be a mother, it actually pains me to think she could potentially go through all I have been. It's tough. I pray she will be tougher. And when her turn comes, I'll be there for her like my mum has been for me. Thank God for mothers.
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Superman to the Rescue!
We went down to Gramophone last night for a quick look around to see what we could watch for movie night. Instead of a movie though, I found Season 6 of Smallville (currently showing on Channel 5 every Saturday at 6pm) for rental. Oh glee!
So here's the plan. I pop the DVDs in just before bedtime, and I turn the tv on at every feed and watch 30 mins worth of Smallville each time, with the subs on of course, so I disturb no one in the wee hours of the morning. And since Lauren's tummy is almost functioning like clockwork now, it means I get to finish about 3 episodes over 6 feedings from 10pm to 8am. I'll be done with Season 6 by Friday morning, when the discs are due for return, and then we'll look for a new set of videos to watch.
Last night, I completed 3 episodes, and I emerged in the morning feeling less irritable. Superman saves the day!
So here's the plan. I pop the DVDs in just before bedtime, and I turn the tv on at every feed and watch 30 mins worth of Smallville each time, with the subs on of course, so I disturb no one in the wee hours of the morning. And since Lauren's tummy is almost functioning like clockwork now, it means I get to finish about 3 episodes over 6 feedings from 10pm to 8am. I'll be done with Season 6 by Friday morning, when the discs are due for return, and then we'll look for a new set of videos to watch.
Last night, I completed 3 episodes, and I emerged in the morning feeling less irritable. Superman saves the day!
Friday, December 14, 2007
How long can you last on 3-4 hours of sleep?
Not much longer for me it would seem. This state of not getting enough sleep is getting to me. I'm tired, my temper and emotions are shorting out at a faster rate, and I think my sanity is just about to give way.
She wants to feed every other hour. Each feed lasts between 30-40 mins. There's usually a need for a diaper change in between. That usually takes another 5-10 mins. Sometimes, KM helps me. Most times I try to let him sleep unless I feel I really could do with a little more help. Then I need to burp her or at least keep her upright for another 5-10 mins. Therefore, if like today, she wakes up at 3.10am for a feed & change, I'm not done with her till about now - 4am. And if she needs to feed hourly, she could be up in another 10-15 mins. If I'm lucky and she decides to feed in 2 hours, I might be able to get at least 30-45 mins of sleep in between, considering I'm not normally able to fall asleep upon contact with my pillow. This pattern will last through the day until the next night. It has been like that for almost a week. I blog, typing with one hand while she feeds. This logging helps me maintain some bit of sanity, pulling my thoughts together in an attempt to find some coherence in me still.
I am tired. I am quick-tempered because I am tired. I am upset that my fuse is running so short. But I am tired. I feel bad that I feel so tired. Yet how can I not feel tired? I want time for myself. I feel guilty when I do find time for myself. But I need time for myself, to myself. I don't want visitors. He cancelled all visits from his relatives and friends. I'm grateful, but he seems angry with me. I am upset that he's angry, but I am tired. So very tired. I wish I needn't have to feed her, so I can sleep. How can I be thinking something like that? I love her. But I am so tired. I'm in tears.
Not much longer for me it would seem. This state of not getting enough sleep is getting to me. I'm tired, my temper and emotions are shorting out at a faster rate, and I think my sanity is just about to give way.
She wants to feed every other hour. Each feed lasts between 30-40 mins. There's usually a need for a diaper change in between. That usually takes another 5-10 mins. Sometimes, KM helps me. Most times I try to let him sleep unless I feel I really could do with a little more help. Then I need to burp her or at least keep her upright for another 5-10 mins. Therefore, if like today, she wakes up at 3.10am for a feed & change, I'm not done with her till about now - 4am. And if she needs to feed hourly, she could be up in another 10-15 mins. If I'm lucky and she decides to feed in 2 hours, I might be able to get at least 30-45 mins of sleep in between, considering I'm not normally able to fall asleep upon contact with my pillow. This pattern will last through the day until the next night. It has been like that for almost a week. I blog, typing with one hand while she feeds. This logging helps me maintain some bit of sanity, pulling my thoughts together in an attempt to find some coherence in me still.
I am tired. I am quick-tempered because I am tired. I am upset that my fuse is running so short. But I am tired. I feel bad that I feel so tired. Yet how can I not feel tired? I want time for myself. I feel guilty when I do find time for myself. But I need time for myself, to myself. I don't want visitors. He cancelled all visits from his relatives and friends. I'm grateful, but he seems angry with me. I am upset that he's angry, but I am tired. So very tired. I wish I needn't have to feed her, so I can sleep. How can I be thinking something like that? I love her. But I am so tired. I'm in tears.
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