Recent events have got me thinking a lot about how I want to live my life and what really brings me greatest joy. In fact, the year has got me thinking a lot about these issues.
Being pregnant has been the most significant thing to have happened to me this year. And more than just being pregnant, but feeling ill or physically unable to do what had previously been easy to accomplish for most of the last 8 months has been a most frightening and humbling experience. To think that there is absolutely nothing you can do to stop or prevent yourself from feeling sick (or not), putting on weight (or not), or even influence how baby is growing and developing. Everything out of your hands. No meds you can take to stop the nausea. No exercises to help determine how your body will shape up. No amount of planning. No amount of worrying. None of these would be able to affect the state of things. The only thing you can do, is to trust in God's plans for you and your baby. For you and your entire life, what it is, what is to come, what is to be.
In the whole scheme of things, suddenly, the mess at work seems not too important afterall; bitchy colleagues and ungracious people somehow seem very trivial; and wanting to be one up above the rest seems to be the wrong value to hold after all.
I find that what brings me greatest joy now is to take care of my husband, and soon, my little one too. Their happiness is my happiness. As a friend said to me today, "So much for feminism and emancipation, huh? When all that makes us happy is being a wife and mother." Well. I've always thought feminism was dumb anyway.