Potty time!

We've started potty training Lauren. Rather accidentally, actually. She's started on solids already, and poo-ing in her diapers is no longer easy for her - she finds it uncomfortable and has been squirming in her pants every time she needs to poo, so we decided to put her on the bowl, and sitting to poo helps. She looks visibly more comfortable pooping and peeing in the toilet, and that's always good for all. Let's see how well this goes. The sooner she goes on the potty regularly, the lower my diaper bills. I have an agenda. *grin*

Vanilla cupcakes for Sunday School

Recipes make all the difference, and as expected, the first recipe I tried from the book I got in Sydney did not disappoint. This was the Crabapple Bakery Vanilla Cupcakes. I was sure to use only New Zealand butter as the book suggested, full cream milk, and all ingredients at room temperature. They rose very nicely, the nicest I've ever had from my oven, as in, every cake rose evenly and nicely with a slight dome, almost flat. Purrrrrrrrrfect! Of course, it should be noted that I also filled the cups very evenly, each weighing 55g exactly. I didn't get to try any though 'cos these were baked for the Sunday School kids to decorate for Father's Day today, and all 24 were snapped up even though there were only 10 kids in class. Some decorated 2 cakes - one for daddy, one for grandpa; others ate one and decorated the other. Judging from the fact that none took a bite and went, "Ewwww!!" the cakes must've tasted pretty decent. All in all, I think this recipe deserves an A*!

She grows so quickly

The photo to the left was taken when she was about 1½ months old. I had to prop her up to take the shot, supporting her neck carefully. At that time, I wondered when she would be able to sit up on her own and not need me to hold her all the time. I was lacking sleep and feeling so tired and defeated. It seemed almost painful (physically) to be a mum that I even wondered if I had made the right decision to become one.

Today, she sat on my lap as she has done countless times to date, and we took a few shots using the Photo Booth application on the Mac, something we've been doing quite regularly, it's almost a ritual. So soon, and she's 6½ months old already. She's able to hold her head up effortlessly, grab one foot with one hand, and stuff the other in her mouth while still looking glamourous (how does she do it? Hahaha.) In 6 short months, she's grown so much, I'm already looking at past photos and feeling the twang of nostalgia, praying that time will stand still or at least slow down a bit more.

Tonight, she sleeps on her own in her hammock. Still in our room, but she's learning how to fall asleep independently. Soon she won't even need me to get around, much less prop her up on my lap to take photo booth shots. She grows too quickly.

*sigh*

Afternoon tea

Wouldn't it be nice? Yes, I'm still dreaming and the dream's just got a bit more fancy. I'm now scouring the web in search of a nice dessert/teacake stand. You know, those cute little plates on a 3-tiered stand for presenting cakes and sandwiches at teatime. Of course I don't need one. I don't even have space for one. In fact, I so don't have space that the cupcake stands I bought are in my mum's place. But wouldn't it be nice anyway, to have one? KM says I need a bigger kitchen. I now think I do too. I never thought I did, and honestly didn't think I'd be baking this much when we got our home renovated. Just didn't seem like I had the time to back then and I thought that that would pretty much be life. Then I figured out the convection function in the microwave oven my sister gave me, and when baby came along, instead of having less time, I found the need to become more domestic. The need? Yeah, the need. The need to create a magical childhood for my little princess where teatime on the weekend is filled with cakes and sandwiches and hot chocolate and all those sorts of treats that are made by mummy. Not that my mum baked. She didn't. But we did do stuff together, like cross-stitching and simple crafts, doodling and writing, simple cooking. And there was always teatime. Mum didn't bake, but she would buy (mostly) chinese teacakes and crackers, and we'd have them with Milo, or milk. There was always teatime. Everyday.

Little Vicky won't get to have tea with me everyday because I'm a full-time working mum. But there ought to be time for weekend tea, and when she's old enough to have some, I will bake teacakes for her, and we'll eat them off pretty cake stands. That would be nice, wouldn't it?

Dreaming about baking cupcakes

I bought this book in Sydney after browsing through quite a few other cupcake books in the bookshops there. The recipes look rather good and I must say I have a good feeling about the cakes that could come out of it. I am now itching to bake. But the lazy, in-denial-that-my-holiday-is-over bug is still very much alive in my bones, and I can't bring myself to do much more than flip through the books we bought back (goodness knows why we buy books in Australia when they're so darn expensive there), surf and blog (this is the 3rd blog today already). When I eventually do get down to trying the recipes, I might post them here. In the meantime, I dream of ingredients and a tea cake stand which I don't need, but what the hey - it's fun to dream.

1½ weeks left

Time passes way too quickly when you're trying to rest. What is ironic in all of this, is that in order to get good rest, you try to finish up as much work as possible before the designated rest time, working late or over time in order to achieve that end, such that you end up getting very tired and the designated rest time ends up being insufficient; or you just simply can't finish the work before the designated rest time and you spend a good part of your rest time thinking about the work that's waiting to be done, and you end up not actually getting enough rest. Good rest means having enough time to sit until you rot. Then you will truly feel ready for work when it's time to get back to it. But there really is never enough time for such, is there?

For the reason that there isn't enough time to just space out and rot, the mind becomes perpetually wired up and unable to truly find the space to relax, which at least for me, results in a state of absolute restlessness. This restlessness in me leads to the inability to settle down to work properly, constantly being interrupted by the sense that personal pursuits, more commonly known as hobbies, must be fulfilled. I am certain that if I had the time to rot, I would not have any hobbies at all.

Therefore, since I have not had enough time in my mind to rot, I am now plagued with the absolute desire to find the perfect cupcake recipe that will rise to perfection and not pull away from the cupcake liners. That must then be followed by the search for the equally perfect cupcake frosting that is neither too sweet nor too soft so that it will hold its shape and taste without refrigeration. This in turn fuels the dream to be able to open a cupcake bakery like the ones I saw in Australia, which will likely remain a dream because I reckon baking cupcakes will cease to fulfill the category of "hobby" should it become a job. Nevertheless, I applaud and cheer for my dear friend and ex-colleague who actually quit teaching to become a pastry chef. Truly wow-worthy.

Then, there's also some scrapbooking which I feel must absolutely be done, because knowing me, the longer the photos stay in the computer, the less likely they will be printed and put in an album, and before long, the excitement to want to scrap those memories will die out. So, yes. I also need to scrap. I need to scrap Lauren's past 6 months; I need to scrap our Sydney holiday; I need to make nice layouts to place in my cubicle in the office; I need to fill the empty wall in our hall with pictures of us. I need, I need, I NEED! to have more time.

I have 1½ weeks left. I need to get enough energy and enthusiasm gathered to start thinking about and doing work.

Mourning the end of our family holiday

If only we could have 2 full weeks away together, but KM's work wouldn't allow it. *sigh*

We got back late last night, and already, KM's worked beckoned. Barely 10 minutes home and he had to rush out to meet a business partner, as usual, "Just to drop something off. Won't take more than an hour." Yeah rite. If I had a $1 for every time I heard that, I'd have a pretty decent piggy bank collection for Lauren already. That's a thought. I think perhaps I should charge him a dollar each time he tells me that and doesn't fulfill it. I'll soon earn enough pocket money for Lauren's first year in school.

So here I am, totally mourning the end of our family holiday. Actually, KM's not the only one with work beckoning, except his doesn't beckon passively with a red pen from a stack of papers on the dining table. Admittedly, phone calls are a lot more difficult to ignore. Unless you're like me. I just let the phone ring until the caller on the other end kills the call him/herself. I hate phone calls. It's true. Not that I never pick up calls or make them or have long chats with friends. I do. Just not often. Most times the instinct is to ignore the phone. The numerous phone calls (and phones - he has 3 mobiles and counting!) he gets therefore really upset me. I wanted to stomp on his mobile when it started beeping the moment we got off the plane last night. It truly signalled the end of our holiday. Not that it didn't beep and ring while we were in Sydney. It did. And there were idiotic, needy clients that kept him on the phone for some good 15 to 20 minutes while we were on holiday, but at least he couldn't drive out to attend to them. Barely home last night and he was out again! One day, I shall throw his phones into the rubbish chute. In the meantime, I shall try to enjoy the rain that I have returned to. At least it's not sweltering hot.

Cupcake Holiday!

The highlight of my holiday has to be the cupcakes I'm getting to try at specialised bakeries. I had googled them out before we came, and found that they turned out to be pretty near where we stay. We actually stumbled upon the first one on Monday.

Here's the first cupcake I tried from The Cupcake Bakery. Chilli Chocolate with Chocolate Buttercream frosting. Just a hint of chilli. Not too bad. Not too sweet either. AUD$3.50 a piece at this bakery.


Kee Min decided he would have the Vanilla with Vanilla Buttercream. Nice too. And again,while the icing was sugary, the overall taste was not too sweet. We had our cakes with hot chocolate, and it was a rather nice way to end a relative cold day.



Then we found Cupcakes on Pitt a block from our hotel on Tuesday. Their cupcakes are smaller. Mini cupcakes at AUD$2.00 a piece. Cupcakes on Pitt apparently sells award winning cupcakes, and indeed, they taste award winning!

This one's the Vanilla cupcake from Pitt. The texture's a lot fluffier and lighter. Not too sweet, very satisfying. The icing's a lot more "buttery", and actually not sweet at all.


This was my order. The Tiramisu. It was the icing that held the tiramisu flavour though. The cake was very chocolatey, very light, very yummy! Special mention must also be made of the hot chocolate. Much better than the one at Cupcake Bakery.


And today, I had the Honeycomb! KM stuck with his old, faithful Vanilla, but I thought I should try as many flavours as possible. Again, the honey flavour came from the icing. The cake was basically a chocolate cupcake, though I thought there was a little hint of honey taste in it. I wish they sold recipes too.

Well, tomorrow's our last day in Sydney. Maybe I'll buy a box of 12 tomorrow and try out the remaining flavours. Except Sticky Date and Blackforest. The thought's icky.

Walking Holiday in Sydney

It's been rather wet here in Sydney. In fact, the only day of sunshine was the Saturday we arrived, but we were too knackered then to do much, having hardly slept on the plane. Regardless, we've still been going on long walks through the city and parks in our raincoats with Lauren tucked in snugly beneath daddy's jacket in her Björn. She looks so cute in there, we've had many people stop to talk to her; a group of seniors took a photo with her last night! So with our little precious with us, we continue our trek through Sydney's Botanic Gardens, en route to Woolloomooloo for (apparently) good hotdogs and pies. Maybe we'll pick up some culture at the art gallery on our way.

Living a dream

The sheep had dinner today. It's been 2 years since I left the Higher Education Division (HED) at MOE, and today we met up for a farewell dinner to send one of us off to Paris. She's off to Cordon Bleu in a week's time to study to become a pastry chef. Isn't that just exciting? She actually quit the service and will soon be on a journey I could only dream of. Not that I dream of becoming a pastry chef, but it did get me thinking on my way home. Do I have a dream? And would I dare to drop all and chase that dream? The youngest of us all remarked at dinner that it would be nice to be able to live such a life, doing as one desired (another of us had also quit the service and was living life, travelling the world). She was told she could do so, as long as she remained single. Otherwise, convince her husband-to-be to travel too and hold off having children for a while. But were these the absolute conditions for living a dream? Perhaps, I'm already living my dream. Or maybe, I'm just not curious enough to have a dream. I'm not sure. It might not even matter, although, I will live this life only once. What do I want out of it?

Morning baby

Lauren's a morning baby. It's 5am now, and she's up, rolling around and talking to herself, smiling at me. She was up since 4.30am, and shows no signs of wanting to go back to sleep. Come to think of it, she was probably up since 4am, but I ignored her and tried to sleep through her gurgling and kicks. I gave up soon enough though, and decided perhaps it would do us both better if I just turned on the lights and surfed a bit while she (hopefully) talks herself back to sleep. The last time this happened, she rolled around until dawn. Thank goodness it's the school hols now, otherwise I'd be in a foul mood.

It's the last day of term! Yippee!

Finally, we get to rest. Sorta. Of course there's work to be done still. Whoever said holidays were for resting? I reckon it's just meant for us to catch up on admin work. Teachers have a pretty bad deal actually. We get no leave days and get called back to work during the school holidays. The only way to not get called back is to go away, i.e. leave the country. But they really don't pay us enough for us to be able to do that for 4 weeks. Nevertheless, the holidays are upon us, and I do get to sleep in. We're also off on a family holiday end of next week - can't wait!

Meanwhile, here's a recent shot of my little princess. There was a campfire at school yesterday so she spent the day at work with me. My colleague took this shot of her. Check out the drool. Heh heh heh. The paed says it's more an indication of her being ready for solids and wanting to eat than it is her starting to teeth though. So since the doc's given the green light, I started her on a wee bit of rice cereal on Wednesday. Hoping to get her ready to eat mush by the time we leave for our family holiday. I'm actually rather having fun feeding her from a spoon. Have been getting ready for this next phase of her life over the past couple of weeks, buying her spoons, bowls, a booster seat... Ah... so broke, but so happy. :)

It has finally come.

The request for longer skirts, that is.

I find it terribly funny. Perhaps I shouldn't. But I've been getting funny responses from friends I've told. "Plunging necklines from tomorrow then?" suggested one. I told him that was worth considering, since I now have boobs thanks to breastfeeding. Another said, "That coming from a place where people prance around in tights?" Hahahaha... I never quite thought of it that way. And yet another responded with, "the things they bother with..." Ah well.

My response? I'm flattered. I must have terribly nice legs to draw such attention. And skin thicker than an elephant's hide. Oh! Such heightened self-awareness too! And skin thicker than an elephant's hide. *snigger* Truly though, I don't mind being told to wear longer skirts. At least this skirt's lasted 2 months at work. Dad sums it up best. "Too bad you've chosen a profession where you can't flaunt your legs." We had a good laugh and agreed that skirt's just got to be "reassigned". I accede. They'll just have to move into my weekend-wear-wardrobe now. Dad's great. For someone who retired from the same profession, he doesn't hold any of those anal, archaic norms many still cling on to. No I-told-you-sos.

Well then, another excuse to go shopping!

Term 2 Week 8

That's tomorrow. The start of it anyway.

Goodness. I have been back at work for 2 months already. Time's going a bit faster that I thought it would. Would like it to. Would not like it to. Depending.

When you're in school, time inevitably rushes by. It's this whole scheduled time thingy we have called a time-table. You just end up moving quickly 'cos the days are predictable, the weeks are predictable. Wake up at 6; leave work at 6. Odd week; even week. Class now; break later. Tests today; mark this week. And so on and so forth. I'm glad for it, 'cos work doesn't seem torturous (like it did once upon a recent office time), and I'm truly loving it. The way time whizzes by also means soon the school holidays will descend upon us! Yippee! I think yippee anyway. Cos in the same manner, that'll whiz by too, and sadly, we've already got meetings lined up during that time. So much for wanting to catch up on my scrapbooking then.

Then there are times it moves too quickly. Lauren was 5 months old last Sunday and got baptised. Pretty baby. Lovely sweetheart. Growing too quickly. She's getting very fun to be with, 'cos she's starting to respond to our voices, toys, books, sound (she likes the jingling of our house keys). It's all very nice, and I love every moment of it. Every moment that lasts just that second. And every moment that's spent in school is a moment lost to me. I felt so sad when I wasn't the first to see her make her first flip from back to front at 4 months. Sometimes, I don't want to sleep, just so I can watch her every move for as long as possible. But that's not possible. She'll soon be 1 and I wouldn't have known where the time went.

*sigh*

Term 2 week 8.

5 months and 1 week.

Tick tock tick tock...

Shoe Talk

There's no one to talk with -
I'll talk with my shoe.
He does have a tongue
And an inner soul, too.
He's awfully well polished,
So straightlaced and neat
(But he talks about nothing
But feet - feet - feet).

- Shel Silverstein

HAHAHA...

Where is all my time going?

So here I am, finally back at work. Week 2. So far so ok, but I'm beginning to wonder where all my time is going. Between being at work, doing work (which continues well beyond my leaving school) and taking care of Lauren once I'm with her, there doesn't seem to be much time for anything else. Of course I could let the help continue to mind her even when I'm home so that I can do my work more quickly and then sleep earlier - it's a real skill nursing her while she lies propped up on a pillow on my lap, and typing in bed on my laptop - but as it is, I don't see her for a good 10 hours once I'm up and out of the house by 6.45am, so nope, I'll take care of Lauren myself once I'm home, even if it kills me. And I think it just might. But then I'm SUPERMOM! Or greatly dellusional. Either way, women just cope somehow. At least I'm hoping that we just cope somehow. Otherwise, I shall soon go insane.

Total Defence Award - for whom?

The nominations for the Total Defence Award 2008 is open. I hear the call on Power 98.0FM rather frequently to nominate employers who have "enable[d]...NSmen employees to fulfill their NS obligations with ease" because of their "strong support and commitment." Each time the call comes on, my toes laugh. Sarcastically. And then my mind automatically replaces the words "NSmen" and "NS" with "breastfeeding" and "parenting". I return to work next week, then everything goes into full-swing the week after the school holidays. Don't get me wrong. I'm looking forward to going back to school, to returning to the classroom. I love teaching. But there are things beyond the classroom that I'm concerned with, I worry about and am miffed at.

As has been rightfully pointed out to me by a health care professional, schools, for having the highest number of female employees next to hospitals, show the least understanding towards (breastfeeding) mothers' needs. And here is where I pause to let my toes guffaw. You would not believe the things that have been said to me and by whom in the name of "understanding mothers' needs". The irritation that pulsates through my nerves when I recall statements that have been passed with regard to pregnancy, mothers, work and the related, particularly when they come from women themselves. Someone I know recounted a lunch time conversation with a colleague who said that she was bored after her first week in confinement following the arrival of her baby. A quick retort came in response to that. "You must not have been a breastfeeding mum!" *Clap* *Clap* *Clap* Bravo! There is no time to be bored, much less rest, when your baby needs to feed from you every other hour.

Which is precisely that. Your baby needs you. She needs your touch, your care, your time, your love. There are those who would then of course say, "In that case, be a stay at home mum. Don't work." But that's not today's reality. So quit making suggestions of the archaic form. Move on with the times. Get with it sistah!

So the government wants more babies. Singaporeans are becoming extinct. And money makes the world go round, or so they think. That's just how it is, isn't it? If they don't want you to do something, they take money away from you. If they want you to do something, they give money to you. But it doesn't work that way! As an acquaintance said to me, "Baby bonus? Can't even last you a year to meet baby's basic needs." I'll tell you what would be a far more practical and encouraging incentive - nursing/lactation facilities at the work place. Nothing fancy. Just a simple room with chairs and a steriliser. Is that too much to ask? A friend's wife is in the teaching service. She expresses her milk for her baby in the toilet. Let's move the school pantry into the toilet as well. I'd like to see if anyone would like to pour themselves a glass of milk or make themselves a cup of tea in the toilet. Her baby has to drink milk she prepared in the toilet! I'm almost in tears for my friend's baby just thinking about it.

Then, there are meetings that last past 6pm. Worse yet, called at 6pm. My friends share their frustration with me. "Don't they have kids they need to get back to, or pick up from school?" They either don't, or have their parenting obligations hived off to someone else on a regular or permanent basis. In preparation for my return to work, Little Lauren has been put on bottle feeds (of expressed breastmilk) from about 8am to 5pm daily. She has been reverse feeding for the last 2 weeks, which mean she drinks less in the day and waits for me to come home so that she can feed direct and feed more then. She doesn't fuss in the day, but essentially, my little 14 month old baby is teaching herself to go hungry until mummy comes home. So the later I get home, the longer she stays hungry. Breaks my heart to know that!

"Total Defence is about the different things that we can do everyday in every sector of our society to strengthen our resilience as a nation." Let's start with having a nation. Mothers are providing the basic resource to even have a nation. So let's try this again. Recognise the role played by employers to support your employees who are parents (let's not forget the dads here) to fulfil their parenting obligations with ease. Then nominate these for the Total Defence Award. They would be the ones worth recoginising.

Some of my Scrap Pages for Lauren

My favourite layout of Lauren and Daddy.
For KM's desk.

This one's a record of the hours before and after Lauren's arrival.

Quiet mornings

I have forgotten what it's like to be up and about in the early hours of the morning before the sun rises, moving around and getting things done in the quiet time that is mine and mine alone.

KM left for the airport very early this morning, and in keeping with my Back-to-School practice runs, I got up at about 5.20am to get started on my routine. Since we're not going to my parents' today, my domestic help's still sleeping, and I've truly got this time all to myself. I'm reminded of the time before I got married, getting up early, ready and out of the door for work by 6.30am before the rest of the house even started to stir. I miss that. There's just something very nice and calming about this time of the morning, and to think it was part of my everyday routine for a long while. Pity I shall not have much of these times left once I return to work. 5.30 mornings will no longer be a slow, quiet time for me anymore. I'll have to share it with someone else soon, and I rather resent that.

Back to School Dry Run

Perhaps it may seem like I'm unduly stressing myself out by conducting a dry run of my "back to school" schedule, which actually won't happen until 3 weeks' time, holiday week inclusive. Nevertheless, I'm glad we started on this, judging from yesterday's assessment - Lauren seems a likely candidate for reverse feeding, and that's not good!

I started recording her bottle feeds yesterday, and from 9am to 6pm, she drank only 305ml! That's barely enough and is already causing me a slight bit of panic. She doesn't scream anymore when given the bottle, and will cooperate with whoever's feeding her. However, she won't drink more than 70ml each feed. Getting 90ml into her is a real accomplishment. And all of this translates into a very hungry baby by the time I supposedly get home, which is about 6pm or thereabouts. Last night, she practically drank every hour through direct feeding from 6.30pm onwards, and woke up twice in the night to feed. There goes her (and my) 6-hour sleep stretch! Breaks my heart to think my little princess could be starving herself in the day just to wait for me to come back to feed her. Hopefully, we can reverse this trend by the end of 3 weeks.

Separately, she's starting to really kick and spin in bed in her sleep. I placed her pillow-side up on the bed this morning when I woke up and returned from my shower to find her at a 45˚ angle from where I left her.